Have you read Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages? In the book, Chapman states that God has created us with an “emotional love tank” that needs to be filled regularly. He claims that the five primary ways in which we express love to one another are through gifts, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.
Over the next five weeks, we will be looking at what God says in the Bible about these “love languages” and how we might better understand how He created us to love Him and each other.
In this first post, we will be looking at the love language of gifts, but first allow me to give you an introduction to the concept of love languages from a Biblical perspective.
First, God's Demonstration and Command
God's love was demonstrated to us when He communicated in our language by sending Jesus to become human. Phil. 2:4-8 says, “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”He also communicated to our greatest need: our sin problem, not our comfort. 2 Cor. 5:21 (NIV) states, “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.”
He instructed us to love each other as proof that we follow Him. John 13:34-35 (NIV) says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
His love was demonstrated in five distinct ways, speaking to us individually in our "heart language" so that He might fill our "emotional love tank." His Word states in I John 3:18 (KJV), “My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.”
Jesus gave, served, touched, affirmed verbally, and spent time with those He loved. He didn’t simply say He loved us. He showed it through his actions. He spoke the 5 love languages fluently and effortlessly. He filled our “emotional love tank” to overflowing that we might overflow with His love to others.
Secondly, God’s Design and Delineation
God desires for us to love and be loved individually. He tenderly states in Jeremiah 31:3 (KJV), “The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: ‘Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.’” Then in Ephesians 1:4 (KJV) Paul reminds us that “[God] chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love.”
Our wise Creator also designed us to express and receive love individually. God has given us a “heart language” for expressing and receiving love. It is part of how we have been shaped and how we show others the love we have for them. Again, those 5 heart languages for expressing love are gifts, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.
Now let's look at specifically the Love Language of Receiving Gifts.
What does a "Gift Receiver" looks like? What are the characteristics of someone who most appreciates gifts as the way they feel loved and cared for?
It is important to note that people with the primary Love Language of Gifts (whether giving or receiving) views the gifts as a way to speak emotionally. It is not greed based. The gifts have a hallmark of thoughtfulness, they fulfill a need and often speak to the heart. Jesus' words from the Sermon on the Mount ring especially true for Gift people that "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matt. 6:21, NIV)
Most often, the gifts that make the most difference in the life of a Gifts person (whether giving or receiving) are those gifts driven by their personality. The gift that shows identity and affirms who the person is and what they like or value, says in a very tangible way,“I support the real you.” Bam! Right to the heart of Mr. or Mrs. Gift.
When a Gifts person is in full stride, speaking their language, they like to think ahead about special events in the lives of people whom they love. They'll notice things others would like while they are out shopping, or they'll make plans for gifts they can give in the future.
Their gifts are always tied to the recipient personally. For example, a Gifts person would never give towels for a wedding unless they were personalized. They want the message of love to be clear!
A word of warning to those wanting to speak in the Love Language of gifts: a gift should never be selfishly motivated.
For example, gifts are never a replacement for genuine love. Gary states, “In our rushed and affluent society, with fathers often away from home most of the children’s waking hours and with more than half of the mothers working outside of the home, there is a tremendous amount of guilt about not spending enough time with family. As a substitute for their personal involvement with their children, many parents go overboard in buying gifts. Such parents are trying to use gift-giving as a cure-all for their out-of-control lifestyle." The Five Love Languages of Children, p. 75
Finally, Who does a Gift Receiver look like? The person whose primary Love Language is Gifts looks most like their Creator God who gave and still gives to His people.
God gave with love as His motivation. (See John 3:16) Ephesians 2:4-5 (NIV) says, “But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”
God also gave as a love demonstration Romans 5:8 (NAS) says it like this: “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
God also gave His love through personification in the person of the Holy Spirit. He continues to give us His fruits, including love itself. It is impossible for us to show genuine love to someone else without the Holy Spirit's presence in our lives.
Titus 3:4-6 (NLT) states, “But—‘When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, He saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior.’”
Notice that the Creator God wants to receive as well. We need to love Him with everything we are. In the ancient Hebrew tradition, part of Deuteronomy 6, known as the schema (pronounced schma) meaning "hear" was sung. It says in part, “Listen, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.”
We also need to love Him with the gifts He has given us of time, talents, and treasure. If we fail to give Him back a portion of what He has given us, God reminds us in Malachi 3:8 that those who don’t give to Him are robbing Him!
Think about these questions: What do you need to give to God? Is there someone in your life whose primary love language is gifts? How can you be a better giver of gifts to God and others?
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