Tony Dungee's Squeeze Play: Fitting In Family Time

I absolutely love being a dad. I love the thrills, the spills, and even the doctor bills. It's all part of the package and I love it all. My wife talks about the time both girls were throwing up in the middle of the night and I insisted on cleaning it up. I told Katie, "This is what I love about being a dad."

No, I'm not crazy. I just love being needed by little people who love their daddy.

I just finished recording an upcoming episode for RE:CONNECT Podcast where I interviewed another youth pastor about spending time with your kids. I'm in Nashville for a few days, helping write some Bible study curriculum for students, so spending time with my kids involves phone calls and FaceTime video calls. I also took a couple of my kids' little stuffed animals with me and have been texting pictures of them on the plane, in my hotel room, etc.

I got an encouraging email today from someone whom I care about in my ministry, and it had a link to Tony Dungee's article called "Be a Kid With Your Kids." In the article, Dungee talks about how he's had to be creative in spending time with his kids around a busy schedule. The key for him has often been being willing to do what his kids want to do.

I know parents often feel that their lives are too busy to spend much time with their children, but I want to encourage other parents to redeem ordinary time as family time. For example, inviting older children to go grocery shopping with you just so you can talk, or have them bring their social studies flashcards with them when you get work done on the car.

It isn't giving up or giving in when you settle for little moments together when longer times as a family are not possible. It's simply acknowledging that family time is worth making time for, no matter what other events are on the schedule.

May God give us wisdom in redeeming the little moments, repurposing them for time spent with our families so that we may have an impact on our children for Christ. How are you fitting in family time?

My Early Morning God

I'm getting up early twice a week these days. I've got a standing appointment with people I care about and I definitely see the arrangement as a beneficial one to me.

Sure, getting my feet to hit the floor at 5:15am isn't my idea of unbridled fun, nor do I consider myself the king of my craft. But neither of these sincerely held opinions deters me from reaching my higher goal: a 6am start time for basketball at a high school gym in South San Jose.

The only other recent appointments that have come close to raising my slumbering form anytime before the sun is up were airline flights and marriage counseling with a young guy before his work day started. That's it. I'm in no rush to shorten my sleep time for just anybody. And that has me concerned.

My heart is laid bare in light of what I currently prioritize. I am clearly saying loud and proud that the only things worthy of my early morning attention are my favorite sport, transportation, or another man's spiritual and emotional well-being.

Sure, I spend time with God every day, both in prayer and in reading His Word, but what if He were to ask for an early morning appointment with just the two of us? Would I show up? Would I even set my alarm?

Similar to my early basketball issues, I mistakenly view getting up early to spend time with God as a chore instead of a joy. Just like playing basketball with guys who are all better than me, I am tempted to view my own spiritual condition in light of how others match up. Wow, I think. I'm not as dedicated as them. Or, my love for God isn't as mature or as great as theirs. And I allow myself to get discouraged.

But I will never pursue holiness with a pure heart by viewing time with my Savior as a duty nor will I be content with my Father's view of me if I compare myself to how His other children interact with Him. Give me a heart to seek Yours, Jesus.

I rise early, before the sun is up; I cry out for help and put my hope in your words. (Psalm 119:147 NLT)

Let Me Entertain You!

Back for my 18th year in a row, I'm singing at Macy's in Union Square, San Francisco this year. More information at my other blog, DB3Harmony, including dates and times. I'd love to have you stop by for a listen to me and the guys!

New Window into My World

My office got a couple of new windows yesterday. These skinny pieces of fiberglass encased in a nice wood frame are my new accountability partners. No more eating snacks in secret. No more changing into dry clothes after baptisms. No more.

Where it all happens.

The big upside is that now I can have a semi-private meeting with one of my youth regarding a personal matter or counsel a mom struggling with some issues at home and actually leave the door closed! I'm still on display for all to see, but the conversation remains private.

Okay, enough about the good. Back to the "poor me" factor. You see, I'm what I like to call a "busy guy" with lots of projects on lots of fronts. And the primary front is my desk. Simply put, it's not the picture of barren office wasteland that makes you think, "Gee, does he do anything at all." Instead, my desk screams, "Yikes! Is Pastor Michael buried under all those papers?" Now that "busy guy's" desk is on display 24/7, thanks to the kind folks at WindowsMakeGreatHolesInDoors.com.

I guess I'll need to focus more on personal neatness and general office hygiene. Sounds like another plus to me.

Dating: What Should a Christian Single Do?

I just read Pastor Mark Driscoll's timely blog about dating and singles. Too often we shy away from declaring what is the truth of Scripture about relationships, boundaries, and holiness.

Take a few minutes to read his post here, then let me know what you think, especially if you're a single young person.

Nobody says it is easy to live as a holy single person. I'm praying for you!

Before and After

By guest blogger, David Roberts

My wife and I are fans of the show, Harry’s Law. The main character (Harriet/ Harry), played by Kathy Bates, is a lawyer who is always defending people that are sympathetic. The show focuses on the closing arguments of the case, where the writers make the jury, and we as the audience melt at the lack of social injustice in the world.

We as Christians have a calling to testify that Jesus is Lord to the ends of the earth. But why don’t we? It’s because most of us think that we need to know the whole Bible, or have words like the writers on Harry’s Law.

Take courage from this. When Paul was on trial for his life, King Agrippa wanted to question him. You would think that Paul would have special words when addressing a king, but that simply wasn’t the case.

So what did he tell the king? He gave his testimony.  Who he was before he knew Jesus, what happened that changed him, and who we was after. That’s it! Plain and simple. He didn’t need some special speech to tell the king or anyone else. All he needed was to tell the truth. That’s all that Jesus wants from us.

So next time you have an opportunity to witness don’t be afraid, just be honest and give your testimony and see what God does with it.

Guest blogger David Roberts is the Worship Leader and a Youth Ministry volunteer at Park Victoria Baptist Church in Milpitas, CA.

Up Next: May Flowers

(Originally written for the Park Victoria Vision, April 2011.)

Don’t you just love an optimist? Someone who is always looking for the “bright side”, even when it seems as though the sun hasn’t been seen here in Milpitas this calendar year? (Let me just say that if it’s true that April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring Pilgrims, we’re in for a mighty good Thanksgiving this year.)

There are plenty of pessimists in the world. Those whose Special Mission From God is to let you know what the Worst Case Scenario might be. And probably will be. But some of my more clever pessimist friends have applied for a name change. They’d rather be known as a “realist.”

In the mind of a pessimist/realist, they are helping people around them see what they’re missing. A dose of reality, they might say. And whether it is a friend or church member, they insist that it is for your own good or the health of the church that they must share their negative viewpoints with you.

The problem is that we don’t need a special revelation from the gifted “realist” to let us know where the faults are in our lives or our church. The Holy Spirit is more than able to reveal to us those areas in which we need to improve individually and corporately.

So is there room for bringing up the faults and failures of a friend or a problem in the church? Sure there is! But there are some pretty strict guidelines. Have you examined yourself first (Matt. 7:1-5)? Are you without blame (John 8:7)? Should the matter be discussed privately (Matt. 18:15-17)? Are you accusing an elder (1 Tim. 5:19, 20)?

Above all, we are to show love to one another (1 Pet. 4:8) which is to me, the biggest dose of reality for a “realist”. Which would you rather be, an “optimist” or a “realist”? Until you decide, try to stay dry out there!

Marital Bliss

Today marks 8 years of marriage to the sweetest, most Godly woman I know. Period. I used to tell her that I tricked her into marrying me since I couldn't accept that she would actually love the real me. But she does. And I'm still amazed. What a gift of God Katie is to me.

The word bliss is a strange word and I think ill-equipped to deal with the realities of a relationship that is functioning and mature. If ignorance is bliss then I don't want marital bliss. I'm loving getting to know more about Katie and how to love her every day.

Sure, "marital bliss" sounds a lot better than "marital blisters", but the truth is that I would rather have life-on-life friction (and love-on-love!) with this woman to whom I am married than some euphoric happiness fueled by ignorance or actual knowledge of the other at a soul level.

When disagreements arise or hurts happen (and they do!), we are motivated to find out where we have taken a shortcut, made a mistake, or how we can do better next time. Leaving problems unresolved is not an option. Since our wedding night, we have always made sure that we cleared things up with each other before going to sleep (see Ephesians 4:26).

As Katie and I have learned more and more about each other whether through hurts, blessings, or time, we have fallen more and more in love. As our mutual needs are revealed to the other, we also see how much more we are needed by the other. Our friendship deepens as a result and our love matures.

So, though she was my best friend 8 years ago, Katie is an even closer friend today. My lover, my supporter, the mother of my children, and my best friend.

I love you, Katie. Happy Anniversary.

Love Languages Part 3 -- Physical Touch

“With the help of Silas, whom I regard as a faithful brother, I have written to you briefly, encouraging you and testifying that this is the true grace of God. Stand fast in it. She who is in Babylon, chosen together with you, sends you her greetings, and so does my son Mark. Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.” 1 Peter 5:12-14 NIV

Beginning the third part of our discussion of Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages, begun in this post, let's look at the expression of love shown through “Physical Touch.”

Before I go into more detail about how we can better demonstrate this particular “love language”, allow me to give you some further notes on the concept of love languages from a Biblical perspective.

First, How the Giver of Love Touched the World

The Father's touch in the Old Testament was upon His creation when He formed it (the Hebrew word indicates it is like a potter forms clay with his hands) and breathed life into man and “man became a living being” according to Genesis 2:7. The psalmist gives us a word picture of God the Father touching His creation in Psalm 104:32 (NLT) “The earth trembles at his glance; the mountains smoke at his touch.”

God the Father also touched His children in love, often through loving discipline. It was His hands that administered the punishment for Israel's sins in Lamentations 1:14 (NIV): “My sins have been bound into a yoke; by his hands they were woven together. They have come upon my neck and the Lord has sapped my strength. He has handed me over to those I cannot withstand.” (See also Hebrews 12:5-11 regarding God’s discipline proving His love.)

The Son's touch in the New Testament was most notable in His entrance into the world when He “became flesh and lived among us” as John 1:14 says it. By definition He touched the world! He continued to touch the world through His ministry, especially in His healing of people.

He had the ability to heal with just His words as with the centurion’s servant in Matthew 8:13, but chose to touch people instead. He even touched those whom I would much rather not touch, including a man with leprosy in Matthew 8:3 (NLT) “Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” And instantly the leprosy disappeared.” Two blind men received their sight in Matthew 20:34 (NLT) thanks to a touch from the Son of God: “Jesus felt sorry for them and touched their eyes. Instantly they could see! Then they followed him.”

The Holy Spirit's touch today is the most amazing part of God touching us. His presence inside us provides the closeness (unity), comfort, and counsel of God.

Now let's look at What a “Physical Touch” Person Looks Like

To a person whose primary way of expressing or receiving love is through physical touch, these characteristics are especially important. For this person, physical touch represents oneness between two people, both appropriate touch and inappropriate touch.

Appropriate touch is God's design and, as such, is an important way to indicate oneness in a relationship. In marriage, God has designed physical touch to be the way that oneness is expressed. For example, Mark 10:6-9 (NLT) says, “‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” And in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NAS), Paul expounds on the duties of each spouse. “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Physical touch is a healthy sign of oneness within a family as well, and this includes proper discipline. Note Proverbs 13:24 (NLT): “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” It is also outward evidence of closeness between friends and church family.  Peter even instructs us to “Greet one another with a kiss of love” in 1 Peter 5:12.

Inappropriate touch brings oneness that is harmful. Touch that is wrong or lacking is against God’s design for love. This includes but is not limited to lust, abuse, and violence and all give a distorted view of love and an unhealthy sense of oneness. 1 Corinthians 7:1 (NAS) says “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” However, sometimes we damage people and give a distorted view of love through a lack of touch (such as neglect) and consequently, a lack of oneness.

Touch represents healing, both in relationships and actual physical healing. Look at the demonstration of love through touch in Psalm 73:21-23 (NLT) “Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.I was so foolish and ignorant—I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.” Can you sense the healing of a relationship? A hug, a pat on the back, holding someone’s hand, a kiss on the cheek: these forms of physical touch can represent a broken relationship that has been healed. There have been many times in our marriage that Katie and I have ended an argument and need to just hold each other as an affirmation that our relationship has gone through a healing process.

Physical healing is also effected through touch. In Luke 6:19 (NLT) Jesus is mobbed by people who are trying to touch Him, “because healing power went out from him, and he healed everyone.” (See also James 5:14 about how the elders of a church are to anoint the sick.)

Finally, Who Does a “Physical Touch” Person Look Like?

Christ demonstrated love through touch. He showed oneness. His touch was proof of oneness when He washed His disciples' feet in John 13:8 and told Peter that he could have “not part of me” if Peter didn't allow Jesus to demonstrate His love in that way. Christ also showed healing and His love for Peter when He touched the hand of Peter's mother-in-law in Matthew 8:14-15 and her fever left instantly.

Christ calls us to love through touch. He wants you to love your family through appropriate touch. Dads need to express love through touch, too, not just moms! He wants you to love the unlovely through missions, social justice causes, philanthropy, etc. using physical touch to love others.

1 Peter 4:11 (NLT) exhorts us this way: “Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.”

Think about these questions: In what ways does God want you to love others better through touch? Is there someone in your life whose primary love language is physical touch? Do you need a touch from God this week?

Really? We NEED the rain?!!

I love eavesdropping on awkward conversations between strangers where neither person knows exactly what to say at the given moment but somehow feels compelled to say something anyway. Case in point: the checkout line at a grocery store.

Inevitably, the conversation in a checkout line is about the weather, at least these days when I feel like calling the SPCA to round up all the strays that keep pouring down. Cats and dogs? It has been raining more like Godzilla and King Kong.

Truly the remark that I love the most is, “Well, we need the rain!” after it has rained for 6 days straight with nothing but good ark-building weather in next week’s forecast too. Need the rain? With my faucets all working just fine before the heavy rains, that’s a tough sell at my house.


Sure, I'm thankful that, true to Scripture, "He sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous" (Matt. 5:45), but I'm just glad that God promised that the world-wide flood idea isn't a do-it-againer (Gen. 9:11)

Ah, well. Let’s look on the “bright side”, shall we (if and when the sun decides to shine)? If it’s true that April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring Pilgrims, we’re in for a mighty good Thanksgiving this year.

Which is why I’m at the grocery store at all.