Up Next: May Flowers

(Originally written for the Park Victoria Vision, April 2011.)

Don’t you just love an optimist? Someone who is always looking for the “bright side”, even when it seems as though the sun hasn’t been seen here in Milpitas this calendar year? (Let me just say that if it’s true that April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring Pilgrims, we’re in for a mighty good Thanksgiving this year.)

There are plenty of pessimists in the world. Those whose Special Mission From God is to let you know what the Worst Case Scenario might be. And probably will be. But some of my more clever pessimist friends have applied for a name change. They’d rather be known as a “realist.”

In the mind of a pessimist/realist, they are helping people around them see what they’re missing. A dose of reality, they might say. And whether it is a friend or church member, they insist that it is for your own good or the health of the church that they must share their negative viewpoints with you.

The problem is that we don’t need a special revelation from the gifted “realist” to let us know where the faults are in our lives or our church. The Holy Spirit is more than able to reveal to us those areas in which we need to improve individually and corporately.

So is there room for bringing up the faults and failures of a friend or a problem in the church? Sure there is! But there are some pretty strict guidelines. Have you examined yourself first (Matt. 7:1-5)? Are you without blame (John 8:7)? Should the matter be discussed privately (Matt. 18:15-17)? Are you accusing an elder (1 Tim. 5:19, 20)?

Above all, we are to show love to one another (1 Pet. 4:8) which is to me, the biggest dose of reality for a “realist”. Which would you rather be, an “optimist” or a “realist”? Until you decide, try to stay dry out there!

Marital Bliss

Today marks 8 years of marriage to the sweetest, most Godly woman I know. Period. I used to tell her that I tricked her into marrying me since I couldn't accept that she would actually love the real me. But she does. And I'm still amazed. What a gift of God Katie is to me.

The word bliss is a strange word and I think ill-equipped to deal with the realities of a relationship that is functioning and mature. If ignorance is bliss then I don't want marital bliss. I'm loving getting to know more about Katie and how to love her every day.

Sure, "marital bliss" sounds a lot better than "marital blisters", but the truth is that I would rather have life-on-life friction (and love-on-love!) with this woman to whom I am married than some euphoric happiness fueled by ignorance or actual knowledge of the other at a soul level.

When disagreements arise or hurts happen (and they do!), we are motivated to find out where we have taken a shortcut, made a mistake, or how we can do better next time. Leaving problems unresolved is not an option. Since our wedding night, we have always made sure that we cleared things up with each other before going to sleep (see Ephesians 4:26).

As Katie and I have learned more and more about each other whether through hurts, blessings, or time, we have fallen more and more in love. As our mutual needs are revealed to the other, we also see how much more we are needed by the other. Our friendship deepens as a result and our love matures.

So, though she was my best friend 8 years ago, Katie is an even closer friend today. My lover, my supporter, the mother of my children, and my best friend.

I love you, Katie. Happy Anniversary.

Love Languages Part 3 -- Physical Touch

“With the help of Silas, whom I regard as a faithful brother, I have written to you briefly, encouraging you and testifying that this is the true grace of God. Stand fast in it. She who is in Babylon, chosen together with you, sends you her greetings, and so does my son Mark. Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.” 1 Peter 5:12-14 NIV

Beginning the third part of our discussion of Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages, begun in this post, let's look at the expression of love shown through “Physical Touch.”

Before I go into more detail about how we can better demonstrate this particular “love language”, allow me to give you some further notes on the concept of love languages from a Biblical perspective.

First, How the Giver of Love Touched the World

The Father's touch in the Old Testament was upon His creation when He formed it (the Hebrew word indicates it is like a potter forms clay with his hands) and breathed life into man and “man became a living being” according to Genesis 2:7. The psalmist gives us a word picture of God the Father touching His creation in Psalm 104:32 (NLT) “The earth trembles at his glance; the mountains smoke at his touch.”

God the Father also touched His children in love, often through loving discipline. It was His hands that administered the punishment for Israel's sins in Lamentations 1:14 (NIV): “My sins have been bound into a yoke; by his hands they were woven together. They have come upon my neck and the Lord has sapped my strength. He has handed me over to those I cannot withstand.” (See also Hebrews 12:5-11 regarding God’s discipline proving His love.)

The Son's touch in the New Testament was most notable in His entrance into the world when He “became flesh and lived among us” as John 1:14 says it. By definition He touched the world! He continued to touch the world through His ministry, especially in His healing of people.

He had the ability to heal with just His words as with the centurion’s servant in Matthew 8:13, but chose to touch people instead. He even touched those whom I would much rather not touch, including a man with leprosy in Matthew 8:3 (NLT) “Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” And instantly the leprosy disappeared.” Two blind men received their sight in Matthew 20:34 (NLT) thanks to a touch from the Son of God: “Jesus felt sorry for them and touched their eyes. Instantly they could see! Then they followed him.”

The Holy Spirit's touch today is the most amazing part of God touching us. His presence inside us provides the closeness (unity), comfort, and counsel of God.

Now let's look at What a “Physical Touch” Person Looks Like

To a person whose primary way of expressing or receiving love is through physical touch, these characteristics are especially important. For this person, physical touch represents oneness between two people, both appropriate touch and inappropriate touch.

Appropriate touch is God's design and, as such, is an important way to indicate oneness in a relationship. In marriage, God has designed physical touch to be the way that oneness is expressed. For example, Mark 10:6-9 (NLT) says, “‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” And in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NAS), Paul expounds on the duties of each spouse. “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Physical touch is a healthy sign of oneness within a family as well, and this includes proper discipline. Note Proverbs 13:24 (NLT): “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” It is also outward evidence of closeness between friends and church family.  Peter even instructs us to “Greet one another with a kiss of love” in 1 Peter 5:12.

Inappropriate touch brings oneness that is harmful. Touch that is wrong or lacking is against God’s design for love. This includes but is not limited to lust, abuse, and violence and all give a distorted view of love and an unhealthy sense of oneness. 1 Corinthians 7:1 (NAS) says “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” However, sometimes we damage people and give a distorted view of love through a lack of touch (such as neglect) and consequently, a lack of oneness.

Touch represents healing, both in relationships and actual physical healing. Look at the demonstration of love through touch in Psalm 73:21-23 (NLT) “Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.I was so foolish and ignorant—I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.” Can you sense the healing of a relationship? A hug, a pat on the back, holding someone’s hand, a kiss on the cheek: these forms of physical touch can represent a broken relationship that has been healed. There have been many times in our marriage that Katie and I have ended an argument and need to just hold each other as an affirmation that our relationship has gone through a healing process.

Physical healing is also effected through touch. In Luke 6:19 (NLT) Jesus is mobbed by people who are trying to touch Him, “because healing power went out from him, and he healed everyone.” (See also James 5:14 about how the elders of a church are to anoint the sick.)

Finally, Who Does a “Physical Touch” Person Look Like?

Christ demonstrated love through touch. He showed oneness. His touch was proof of oneness when He washed His disciples' feet in John 13:8 and told Peter that he could have “not part of me” if Peter didn't allow Jesus to demonstrate His love in that way. Christ also showed healing and His love for Peter when He touched the hand of Peter's mother-in-law in Matthew 8:14-15 and her fever left instantly.

Christ calls us to love through touch. He wants you to love your family through appropriate touch. Dads need to express love through touch, too, not just moms! He wants you to love the unlovely through missions, social justice causes, philanthropy, etc. using physical touch to love others.

1 Peter 4:11 (NLT) exhorts us this way: “Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.”

Think about these questions: In what ways does God want you to love others better through touch? Is there someone in your life whose primary love language is physical touch? Do you need a touch from God this week?

Really? We NEED the rain?!!

I love eavesdropping on awkward conversations between strangers where neither person knows exactly what to say at the given moment but somehow feels compelled to say something anyway. Case in point: the checkout line at a grocery store.

Inevitably, the conversation in a checkout line is about the weather, at least these days when I feel like calling the SPCA to round up all the strays that keep pouring down. Cats and dogs? It has been raining more like Godzilla and King Kong.

Truly the remark that I love the most is, “Well, we need the rain!” after it has rained for 6 days straight with nothing but good ark-building weather in next week’s forecast too. Need the rain? With my faucets all working just fine before the heavy rains, that’s a tough sell at my house.


Sure, I'm thankful that, true to Scripture, "He sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous" (Matt. 5:45), but I'm just glad that God promised that the world-wide flood idea isn't a do-it-againer (Gen. 9:11)

Ah, well. Let’s look on the “bright side”, shall we (if and when the sun decides to shine)? If it’s true that April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring Pilgrims, we’re in for a mighty good Thanksgiving this year.

Which is why I’m at the grocery store at all.

Love Languages Part 2 -- Acts of Service

“After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, 'Do you understand what I was doing? You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am. And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message. Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them.’” (John 13:12-17 NLT)

Continuing our discussion of Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages, begun in this post, I turn our attention to the expression of love known as "Acts of Service."

Before I go into more detail about the this particular "love language", allow me to give you some further notes on the concept of love languages from a Biblical perspective.

First, God's Love Communicated

God's love was demonstrated to us when He communicated in our language by sending Jesus to become human. He also communicated to our need and to those in need. Jesus said in Luke 5:31 (ESV), “It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick.”

His love was demonstrated through Jesus and must be enacted by us. I John 3:18 (KJV) instructs us to not “love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.” This is because we are agents of His love to others. His love reaches others through our actions. When we only express love verbally and fail to back up that love with actions that confirm it, we are not showing the love of God at all. (See James 2:15-17 NLT)

We express God's love individually. We aren't all the same. God has given each of us a "heart language" for expressing and receiving love. It is part of how we have been shaped and how we show others the love God has given us for them. For some of us, the love language of "acts of service" is an easy one to demonstrate while for others of us it takes real effort and planning.

Some of us feel loved the most when someone expresses love to us through an act of service while still others don't value that expression of love as much as some other manifestation of love. The way we express and receive love is different from other people, even our spouse in most cases. This is why it is important to find out (or figure out!) in which ways do our spouse need us to demonstrate love in order to feel like their "emotional love tank" is being filled.

Now let's look at specifically the Love Language of Acts of Service.

What does an "Acts of Service" person look like? What are the characteristics of someone who most appreciates acts of service as the way they feel loved and cared for?

It is important to note that when doing something helpful for a person who like to receive acts of service as their primary love language, you must have a heart of service which is by nature humble. The act of service must meet their needs and must not be manipulative. Manipulation is selfishness which signals that pride is at work  "And all of you, serve each other in humility, for 'God opposes the proud but favors the humble.'" (1 Peter 5:5 NLT)

The cost of service is another important component to expressing love to someone in this way. It should have a personal cost: if there is no input, there will be no love felt. Remember the story of Jacob in Genesis 29? He worked seven years for the privilege of marrying the girl he loved. The Bible records in Genesis 29:20 that the time flew by because his love for her was so strong.

Love must be the motivation for our expressions of love through service; love not only for the person but for God Himself to whom our acts of services are actually directed. (See Colossians 3:23 NLT)

Maybe you're reading this and thinking, "That sounds just like me! That's exactly how I like to show my love to others." You may be someone who expresses your love most easily and most often through acts of service. Beware of the Martha complex where she allowed her natural tendency to serve as an expression of love for Jesus to overshadow the more tangible form of love at the moment, quality time with Jesus. (See Luke 10:38-42 NLT)

Finally, Who does an "Acts of Service" person look like? The person whose primary Love Language is Acts of Service looks most like their Savior Jesus Christ who served and still serves His people.

Christ was yielded. In Matthew 28:20 (and Mark 10:45 NLT) Jesus says, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and give His life as a ransom for many.” His purpose was to serve, and His example was to serve. 

Also, Christ served at great cost. He gave of Himself in life for so many, serving to the point of exhaustion. He commands us to make Him known the same way. In

Matthew 5:14-16 Jesus states, “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” He was an accurate representation of the Father's love to us and now He wants us to be that same representation of the Father's love to others—no matter the cost.

Christ also gave of Himself in death for you so that you might have eternal life through Him.

Think about these questions: In what ways does God want you to serve Him? In what ways does God want you to serve others? Is there someone in your life whose primary love language is acts of service? How can you better serve God and others this week?

Love Languages Part 1 -- Receiving Gifts

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17 NIV)

Have you read Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages? In the book, Chapman states that God has created us with an “emotional love tank” that needs to be filled regularly. He claims that the five primary ways in which we express love to one another are through gifts, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.

Over the next five weeks, we will be looking at what God says in the Bible about these “love languages” and how we might better understand how He created us to love Him and each other.

In this first post, we will be looking at the love language of gifts, but first allow me to give you an introduction to the concept of love languages from a Biblical perspective.

First, God's Demonstration and Command

God's love was demonstrated to us when He communicated in our language by sending Jesus to become human. Phil. 2:4-8 says, “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”
He also communicated to our greatest need: our sin problem, not our comfort. 2 Cor. 5:21 (NIV) states, “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.”

He instructed us to love each other as proof that we follow Him. John 13:34-35 (NIV) says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

His love was demonstrated in five distinct ways, speaking to us individually in our "heart language" so that He might fill our "emotional love tank." His Word states in I John 3:18 (KJV), “My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.”

Jesus gave, served, touched, affirmed verbally, and spent time with those He loved. He didn’t simply say He loved us. He showed it through his actions. He spoke the 5 love languages fluently and effortlessly. He filled our “emotional love tank” to overflowing that we might overflow with His love to others.

Secondly, God’s Design and Delineation
God desires for us to love and be loved individually. He tenderly states in Jeremiah 31:3 (KJV), “The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: ‘Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.’” Then in Ephesians 1:4 (KJV) Paul reminds us that “[God] chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love.” 

Our wise Creator also designed us to express and receive love individually. God has given us a “heart language” for expressing and receiving love. It is part of how we have been shaped and how we show others the love we have for them. Again, those 5 heart languages for expressing love are gifts, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.

Now let's look at specifically the Love Language of Receiving Gifts.

What does a "Gift Receiver" looks like? What are the characteristics of someone who most appreciates gifts as the way they feel loved and cared for?

It is important to note that people with the primary Love Language of Gifts (whether giving or receiving) views the gifts as a way to speak emotionally. It is not greed based. The gifts have a hallmark of thoughtfulness, they fulfill a need and often speak to the heart. Jesus' words from the Sermon on the Mount ring especially true for Gift people that "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matt. 6:21, NIV)

Most often, the gifts that make the most difference in the life of a Gifts person (whether giving or receiving) are those gifts driven by their personality. The gift that shows identity and affirms who the person is and what they like or value, says in a very tangible way,“I support the real you.” Bam! Right to the heart of Mr. or Mrs. Gift.

When a Gifts person is in full stride, speaking their language, they like to think ahead about special events in the lives of people whom they love. They'll notice things others would like while they are out shopping, or they'll make plans for gifts they can give in the future.

Their gifts are always tied to the recipient personally. For example, a Gifts person would never give towels for a wedding unless they were personalized. They want the message of love to be clear!

A word of warning to those wanting to speak in the Love Language of gifts: a gift should never be selfishly motivated.

For example, gifts are never a replacement for genuine love. Gary states, “In our rushed and affluent society, with fathers often away from home most of the children’s waking hours and with more than half of the mothers working outside of the home, there is a tremendous amount of guilt about not spending enough time with family. As a substitute for their personal involvement with their children, many parents go overboard in buying gifts. Such parents are trying to use gift-giving as a cure-all for their out-of-control lifestyle." The Five Love Languages of Children, p. 75

Finally, Who does a Gift Receiver look like? The person whose primary Love Language is Gifts looks most like their Creator God who gave and still gives to His people.

God gave with love as His motivation. (See John 3:16) Ephesians 2:4-5 (NIV) says, “But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”

God also gave as a love demonstration Romans 5:8 (NAS) says it like this: “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

God also gave His love through personification in the person of the Holy Spirit. He continues to give us His fruits, including love itself. It is impossible for us to show genuine love to someone else without the Holy Spirit's presence in our lives.

Titus 3:4-6 (NLT) states, “But—‘When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, He saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior.’”

Notice that the Creator God wants to receive as well. We need to love Him with everything we are. In the ancient Hebrew tradition, part of Deuteronomy 6, known as the schema (pronounced schma) meaning "hear" was sung. It says in part, “Listen, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.”

We also need to love Him with the gifts He has given us of time, talents, and treasure. If we fail to give Him back a portion of what He has given us, God reminds us in Malachi 3:8 that those who don’t give to Him are robbing Him!

Think about these questions: What do you need to give to God? Is there someone in your life whose primary love language is gifts? How can you be a better giver of gifts to God and others?

Why Not Jesus?

Many scientists, atheists, and humanists avoid Jesus as the answer for the big questions of life. However, as Colossians 1:15-23 shows us, He is unavoidable. So why do these three groups avoid Him?


I. Why Not Jesus as the Explanation of Life? (vs. 15-17
A. Scientists avoid Jesus as the Explanation of Life because:
     1. Jesus is a threat to their established philosophy and worldview and
     2. Faith in what you’ve studied is hard to break.
B. Jesus is unavoidable as the Explanation of Life because:
     1. Jesus was/is the chance for us to find out Who the Creator was.
     2. This world was created by Him and for Him, and He holds it all together.



II. Why Not Jesus as the Giver of Life? (vs. 18-22)
A. Atheists avoid Jesus as the Giver of Life because:
     1. Life changes with Jesus in the picture in the areas of morality, priorities, and philosophy

     2. The unknown of life after death

B. Jesus is unavoidable as he Giver of Life because:

     1. Life changes with Jesus!

     2. The known of heaven after death

III. Why not Jesus as the Answer for Life? (vs. 23)

A. Secular and religious humanists avoid Jesus as the Answer for Life because:

     1. They see the answers to life within themselves

     2. They try to fill God’s role with themselves

B. Jesus is unavoidable as he Answer for Life because:

     1. God created us to need Him since the beginning of time

     2. He is actively at work to draw us to Himself through any means

     3. Beware of becoming a “Christian Humanist:” someone living their life as a believer with as little interaction with God as possible

Conclusion

Do you know someone who rejects Jesus as the explanation for life? Do they use science as their reasoning?

Has belief in Jesus as the explanation for life been easy for you? Why or why not?

Re-read Colossians 1:18-22. What role did/does Jesus have in your salvation according to these verses? Take a minute to thank Him.

Col. 1:23 (NLT) “But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News.”

How is Jesus the answer to your life’s questions or struggles?

How has Jesus filled any emptiness or loneliness you have?

How has Jesus helped you understand the difficulties in your life?

-----------------------

From my research for the Sunday morning sermon on February 27, 2011, "Why Not Jesus?")

Text from NLT of Colossians 1:15-23
Additional information about Carbon-14 dating (Wikipedia) and from a Christian perspective found here and here.
More information on secular humanism (Wikipedia) and how they differ from atheists and agnostics from the Council for Secular Humanism's site and from a Christian perspective found here and here.
More information on spiritual humanism (Wikipedia) and from their website. Information on technical definition of Christian humanism (Wikipedia) and here. (Not the definition I used in my message.)