“With the help of Silas, whom I regard as a faithful brother, I have written to you briefly, encouraging you and testifying that this is the true grace of God. Stand fast in it. She who is in Babylon, chosen together with you, sends you her greetings, and so does my son Mark. Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.” 1 Peter 5:12-14 NIV
Beginning the third part of our discussion of Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages, begun in this post, let's look at the expression of love shown through “Physical Touch.”
Before I go into more detail about how we can better demonstrate this particular “love language”, allow me to give you some further notes on the concept of love languages from a Biblical perspective.
First, How the Giver of Love Touched the World
The Father's touch in the Old Testament was upon His creation when He formed it (the Hebrew word indicates it is like a potter forms clay with his hands) and breathed life into man and “man became a living being” according to Genesis 2:7. The psalmist gives us a word picture of God the Father touching His creation in Psalm 104:32 (NLT) “The earth trembles at his glance; the mountains smoke at his touch.”
God the Father also touched His children in love, often through loving discipline. It was His hands that administered the punishment for Israel's sins in Lamentations 1:14 (NIV): “My sins have been bound into a yoke; by his hands they were woven together. They have come upon my neck and the Lord has sapped my strength. He has handed me over to those I cannot withstand.” (See also Hebrews 12:5-11 regarding God’s discipline proving His love.)
The Son's touch in the New Testament was most notable in His entrance into the world when He “became flesh and lived among us” as John 1:14 says it. By definition He touched the world! He continued to touch the world through His ministry, especially in His healing of people.
He had the ability to heal with just His words as with the centurion’s servant in Matthew 8:13, but chose to touch people instead. He even touched those whom I would much rather not touch, including a man with leprosy in Matthew 8:3 (NLT) “Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” And instantly the leprosy disappeared.” Two blind men received their sight in Matthew 20:34 (NLT) thanks to a touch from the Son of God: “Jesus felt sorry for them and touched their eyes. Instantly they could see! Then they followed him.”
The Holy Spirit's touch today is the most amazing part of God touching us. His presence inside us provides the closeness (unity), comfort, and counsel of God.
Now let's look at What a “Physical Touch” Person Looks Like
To a person whose primary way of expressing or receiving love is through physical touch, these characteristics are especially important. For this person, physical touch represents oneness between two people, both appropriate touch and inappropriate touch.
Appropriate touch is God's design and, as such, is an important way to indicate oneness in a relationship. In marriage, God has designed physical touch to be the way that oneness is expressed. For example, Mark 10:6-9 (NLT) says, “‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” And in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NAS), Paul expounds on the duties of each spouse. “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Physical touch is a healthy sign of oneness within a family as well, and this includes proper discipline. Note Proverbs 13:24 (NLT): “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” It is also outward evidence of closeness between friends and church family. Peter even instructs us to “Greet one another with a kiss of love” in 1 Peter 5:12.
Inappropriate touch brings oneness that is harmful. Touch that is wrong or lacking is against God’s design for love. This includes but is not limited to lust, abuse, and violence and all give a distorted view of love and an unhealthy sense of oneness. 1 Corinthians 7:1 (NAS) says “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” However, sometimes we damage people and give a distorted view of love through a lack of touch (such as neglect) and consequently, a lack of oneness.
Touch represents healing, both in relationships and actual physical healing. Look at the demonstration of love through touch in Psalm 73:21-23 (NLT) “Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.I was so foolish and ignorant—I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.” Can you sense the healing of a relationship? A hug, a pat on the back, holding someone’s hand, a kiss on the cheek: these forms of physical touch can represent a broken relationship that has been healed. There have been many times in our marriage that Katie and I have ended an argument and need to just hold each other as an affirmation that our relationship has gone through a healing process.
Physical healing is also effected through touch. In Luke 6:19 (NLT) Jesus is mobbed by people who are trying to touch Him, “because healing power went out from him, and he healed everyone.” (See also James 5:14 about how the elders of a church are to anoint the sick.)
Finally, Who Does a “Physical Touch” Person Look Like?
Christ demonstrated love through touch. He showed oneness. His touch was proof of oneness when He washed His disciples' feet in John 13:8 and told Peter that he could have “not part of me” if Peter didn't allow Jesus to demonstrate His love in that way. Christ also showed healing and His love for Peter when He touched the hand of Peter's mother-in-law in Matthew 8:14-15 and her fever left instantly.
Christ calls us to love through touch. He wants you to love your family through appropriate touch. Dads need to express love through touch, too, not just moms! He wants you to love the unlovely through missions, social justice causes, philanthropy, etc. using physical touch to love others.
1 Peter 4:11 (NLT) exhorts us this way: “Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.”
Think about these questions: In what ways does God want you to love others better through touch? Is there someone in your life whose primary love language is physical touch? Do you need a touch from God this week?
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